she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
