Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
