I just threw up on my dentist
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
