chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
