brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
