oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
