I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
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In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
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I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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