You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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