Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
