It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
