This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
