i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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