WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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