i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
