If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
