So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
