i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
