is your mom at the bar?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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