He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
