420 ftw
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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