eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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