I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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