They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
