what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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