Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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