alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
