We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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