im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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