i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
