its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
