My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
