everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
