May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
this beer tastes like vomit already
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
