What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
