a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
