What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He passed out mid-signature
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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