just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
