So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
