do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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