I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
