Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I want to walk on stilts...naked
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
