dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize