she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
