Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
