Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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