Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
