proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
