Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
