I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
