So drunk its hurt
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
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just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
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I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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