You're so nebulous sometimes
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
