Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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