This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Pants are for mortals
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
