I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
