The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
