drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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