Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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