Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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