that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
