Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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