Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
