Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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