drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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