How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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