I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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