Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Randomize
