u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
