i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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