Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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