are you still at the devil's house?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
