he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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