Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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