Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
