Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
