I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
