Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
