you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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